Summer Fashion DONT EVERs: Intro and Point Number 1

Time line of seasons

From what I’ve heard, this is how the seasons usually go down in New York, it goes winter to spring, I dunno for a DAY, to full blown summer. Full-blown summer means humidity. For the normal New Yorker, winter means massive amounts of clothes, covering everything but our eyes. Spring brings a pleasant transition to dresses and tights. This ushers in a dangerous loss of taste with almost-naked women without bras walking the streets. And I didn’t say hot naked women. A terrible but utterly real slippery slippery downward depression.

Summer Bodies

Recall the story of the animal, whatever animal it was that took all spring working to store up grain or food or whatever it was instead of wasting away its time. When winter came there was plenty to eat and the rabbit? the ant? Whatever it was, the animal was able to enjoy all that hard work.
It’s the same idea, opposite seasons. I tell this story to say, if you have a summer body, rock the summer fits. The winter work out allowing for cute summer clothing has earned you that right. If you’ve worked for it, enjoy summer clothing because you’ve spent hours upon hours and countless reps getting a summer body that will look good in that summer clothing. But if you spent all winter effortlessly getting fat, spare us all and don’t wear summer clothing. Be creative. Think of a way to not let all of that spill out over a too-small waistband. If you can't fit into that little dress, don’t wear it.
And lets get this squared away right off the bat; I don’t mean, “showing more” in a nasty way. I’m talking showing off arms, shoulders, clavicles, and not more cleavage or leg. Tasteful ladies. Lets keep it classy. And trust me, this is hard for me to say, being a cute little shorts- tank-, dress-, skirt- lover and at the same time, being a fat girl. But it’s the reality of summer and I’m not being harsh, just real.
If you’re like most women, if you’re like me, you’ve put that dress on, and it doesn’t quite fit the same as it did a year ago. And it’s not looking hot like it did a year ago. It’s just looking snug. And snug is not the adjective you were looking to use when you put it back on. So now the depression sets in, then thoughts of crash summer diets or working out and hoping to see results in three consecutive days at the gym. You know, I know women who even thought that de-toxing would help in this skinny endeavor. But it’s too late, just start working out now. Since you’re not going to get skinny in a week.
I’ve made a list of summer do’s and Don’t EVER’s for skinny and fat girls alike. Well, just fat girls I guess, skinny girls you can wear whatever you want. You don’t even have to read this. In fact, you’re probably not reading this because you’re probably out shopping for dresses and skirts and tanks that us fat girls are all wishing we could wear. Fellow Fat Girls, read on.

SUMMER DONTS. SUMMER NEVERS.
DO NOT. EVER. DO THIS:

If you have boobs, large ones:

Don’t go bra-less. Please. For your sake, for my sake, for the sake of this world. If you have any type of consideration for people other than yourself, please, please wear a bra. Don’t be selfish and inconsiderate, and you know what, I’m gonna go ahead and say it. Don’t be rude. It's rude to force others to look at what you’re putting on display when no one wants to see it. No free shows. Heck, I’d pay you to put it away. When I first moved to New York, I was sooo taken aback by how many women didn’t wear bras. A girl I used to work with never wore them. I can’t even recall a time when she wore one. And I know you can’t tell because this is all written, but if you could see how much time I just spent trying to recall a time when she did wear a bra……











……There would’ve been like that much space.

On the other hand, if you could be mistaken for a boy because of your lack of boobs: (I fall into this category, don’t feel bad girls)

You’re cool. I honestly think these girls can go braless in certain tops and it just ends up looking better. And lets be real, you feel as free as a freaking bird without a bra.

A Note about the braless option:

The whole point of this section can be easily compared to the use and practicality of the thong/g-string. Ladies, we all know the reason for the thong: get rid of unwanted underwear lines. Underwear lines are definitely not a good look especially in nice dress pants, a fitted dress, or a skirt.
SO the genius thong was invented to remedy this problem.
THEN. Christina or Pamela (I’m thinking Christina Aguilera, Dirty Video maybe? Youtube it if you want, or you know, don't)-- that’s when I really took notice, because I couldn’t NOT. Around the same time as the advent of the super-ultra-lowest-rise-of-your-life-denim trend, thongs showing everywhere became a trend too. You know, put the strings on your hip, with your ultra low rise jeans. Ew. Please. The thong then evolved from something that was supposed to hide little nuances such as underwear lines to something that was to be put on display, a thing of seduction and nastiness really. Different connotations of thongs and girls who wear them came into being. I say all of this to say: not wearing a bra is NOT to show that you’re not wearing a bra, alright girls? Lets not pull a Christina.